Sunday, August 30, 2009 9:35:00 PM
Feels helpless:(
Well i have to say up till now i am the most fortunate among my friends in mp... i got posted to dog wing and ended up doing things that i like and do best - paravet job... i am very happy, definitely... and no matter what i will do my best for the unit and the dogs there... gotta be productive starting from tomorrow:)Family problems just make me feel so down... scolded my dad just now... i think i nid anger management, but how am i not flared up when up till just now he still haven feed baby dinner? i wasnt at home, but he is idling at the sofa there watching tv. i always felt damn sorry and sad after scolding him, but i cant help it, seriously... feeling remorseful is due to the fact that he is my dad, but i still cant help but to scold him for all the stupid things he has done, or things he should have done it but didnt... he was once a stroke patient, i understand, but how can a stroke change a person's personality so much? who can give me an answer? i tried all means to understand him, give in to him etc... not that i didnt do anything but look what i got? i am sure there will be people saying i am unfilial, but who cares for me? i am taking all the burdens and loads... which 21year old guy have to go through what i am going through? i doubt among my friends nobody need to...I am very tired... really dead tired... trying to earn as much as possible to meet monthly needs, but the results is always negative... i cant earn much bcuz of ns... but i always understand what is call a vicious cycle... i foresee that i will step into this and dunno when then i will be able to escape from this cycle... probably i will have to thank god that i dont have a girlfriend... nobody to confide to but nobody to take care too... less one burden haha... i believe i can multi-task as of now... but when will i collapse i dont know...No matter what i will still do my best to be the pillar of support for my parents, especially my mum... she needs me definitely, and i need her too... not that i dont love my dad... i love him thats why i wanted to correct him... but if he is still that persistent, i dunno what can i do... as for my brother, sometimes i wish him better off dead... i apologise for my harsh words, but i seriously dunno what to say about him... life with or without him doesnt make a difference... or probably there is... with him my life is more miserable... thats what i can say...I am feeling very down... very very down... i need to stand still, but i am very tired... trying hard, really very hard...
You're my everything =D
1:07:00 AM
Still no appetite:(
First of all gotta thank those people for their concerns haha... really appreciated it... yesterday was really a bad day for me... cant wait for polyclinic... went straight for private one... cost me 64bucks... troubled mum to wake up early too bcuz i am too weak to go alone... puked while i was on the way there, even though its like near my house...Meanwhile i still have yet to fully recover... feels like eating something but just dont have the appetite, or worst still eat already feels like puking it out... hopefully i can recover by tomorrow man... working on monday... gotta put my best performance in work becuz it concerns about those cuties in my workplace:)Well i shall take this illness as a blessing in disguise... i got to slim down haha... but if anyone were to see my face on friday they will be stun... i looked damn pale... i thought i will faint in the toilet haha... Brought baby out just now... she dont have that energy to walk much... though i can see from her eyes she is trying her best, but yea she cant even stand up, let alone walking... walked abit but ended up bringing her back home by carrying her back... my heart was broken... i will do anything for her definitely, but i just cant bear to see her suffering... everytime she look at me, and i mean everytime... i really wanto know what she wanted to tell me.. she seems to have load and loads of things to say, but yet she is restricted by her ability... i tried all means to understand, but somehow we just cant reach a consensus.. its not that i dont understand her well, but this time round she is like having more than usual to say... i believe i will get to understand her, but just hope that its not too late by then...You're my everything baby...
You're my everything =D
Friday, August 28, 2009 6:01:00 AM
Bad Diarrhea and vomiting...
Wierd time to blog now but i woke up at 4plus till now... diarrhea followed by vomiting then diarrhea again... plus a very bad twist in my abdomen... since 2am plus i vomited n shitted... 4am plus wake up again to carry on the same routine... now i am half dead... am waiting for the polyclinic to open at 8am, so dont intend to sleep actually...Gotta recover asap... really feel damn weak now...
You're my everything =D
Tuesday, August 25, 2009 9:46:00 PM
POP loh!
Yeaps! POP-ed yesterday.. finally i got my 3rd stripe after 34 weeks... faints! i left less than 10mths to ord haha... nevertheless, i will contribute as much as possible to dog wing haha...Today is the 1st day in dog wing... really feel damn lost haha... thank god the people there are quite nice... and chengchong is there too! hope he can guide me along haha... heard from warrant raja i should be able to do paravet job... hopefully man haha... thats what i hope to do all along...Its just one day and i start to miss those people around me... i need to get used to them not around me... haha... Well yesterday had a mixed feeling even though i pop-ed... first is because passing out means i have to leave my closest clique in mpts... am very happy because finally i am a 3rd sgt.. the other thing is family problems... i felt damn emo last nite... even up till now i still feel emo.. i really feel very tired... very very tired...I need enlightenment... I need help...
You're my everything =D
Sunday, August 23, 2009 2:58:00 AM
Dog Wing... Here I Come!!!
Well monday will be my POP day! Finally i am getting my 3sgt... after so long! even CPT Goh oso said 'finally' to me while presenting the passing out cert to me... i am delighted... really felt a sense of accomplishment... most importantly, i met alot of nice people whom we are getting along very well haha... Posting! I got posted to dog unit wahaha!!! thats like my ultimate goal and i got it... no other words can describe how happy i am when i got my posting... however in chinese we say 几家欢喜几家愁... there bound to be people being unhappy or disappointed with their posting... my good friend was one of them... i felt very sad for him when he cant get his desired posting, but well life still goes on... maybe get posted to that place is a blessing in disguise, just like i failed ASLC haha...Though i got posted to dog wing, i still feel damn worried about the life there because i am afraid the people there are not as nice as mpts... but well i believe i can adapt... it just takes time! jia you to me... and jia you to all my friend! Today went out with Guanhua and Zhilun for k-session! finally haha! it was damn funny cuz today we zao-sia like nobody business... especially me wahaha! but i am damn happy to sing wahaha! feels rather bad when i cant join them for the timbre session... hopefully i can meet out real soon with the rest.. I am damn tired now... but for some reason i just wanna blog right now... cant think much though haha... think i should sleep now... nitez...
You're my everything =D
Saturday, August 15, 2009 5:49:00 PM
So many worries, so unhappy, so...
Feeling very down now... not at this specific moment, its all along like this... well i always think that i am a good actor sometimes because i can just show off the happier side of mine and entertain people... however sometimes i just cant help but to emo in front of my friends... i apologise for that, but i just need to vent things out...My closest friends will always know what my top worries are and some of my unhappiness... needless to say, baby's condition is a constant and prolong worry for me... that's my top priority in life right now... i only got one big head, but yet the worries and problems i have is filling it to the max... probably one day i will explode and breakdown...Initially i wanted to meet zhilun n guanhua for some singing session.. but due to my bad throat and slight fever, i have no choice but to call for a cancel... really feel like singing! argh haha...Tonight will be a night of TV haha... and i also wanto pack my room because it's in a disastrous state again! faints...I will be fine... I will be ok... Hopefully:)
You're my everything =D
Saturday, August 08, 2009 2:39:00 PM
It's another disappointment...
I always try not to infiltrate my blog with my emo-ness... but it seems that this time round i failed again.. but well think positively wise i still got a place to vent my frustration...Another hand raised animal died in my care... its a curse... the condition looks pretty stable, so i named it... yes it died after i named it... the poor changable lizard... haiz its not the first time... but i am still very sad... i believe that there bound to have people blaming me for not taking good care of it... i will just shut off my senses towards their critism if any, bcuz i did my part...MLM is finished... a very tired one definitely... my csb is literally csb... carry sandbags... faint... well get to see LOADs of true colours and i definitely wont hesitate to F ppl off... i am always like that... dont breach over my patience limit... cuz its just courting your own death... nevertheless i am very satisfied with my performance... i persevered throughout and i definitely can say i am very proud of myself... got so much to comment but well shall keep it to the next post if i remember... i am happy with my effort... but was rather disappointed bcuz i put in so much effort but it wasnt recognised due to the fact that the appointment i held wasnt 'striking' enough haha... well i guess that's life... i think people out there is so much better than me ba, thats why i cannot stand a chance haha... think positively, cannot be the best means i can continue to improve... now i hope my best cliques can get what they deserve to:) jia you andre, zhilun and jeremiah!Anyway my frens they are going to club tonight... feels like joining them but yea its not within my capability... my bestest frens will know what i mean... tonight will be eating titbits and watching guess3 wahaha!
You're my everything =D
Sunday, August 02, 2009 4:25:00 PM
Its coming soon!
Yea went out with guanhua and zhilun yesterday... watched Hangover... damn funny show... shall not be a spoiler here but i strongly recommend people to watch it haha... its really damn funny, and uh hmm...Had mahjong last night too! goodness its been so long since i touched it wahaha... won 105 bucks! shiok haha... the mahjong ended damn late though haha... was freaking tired after that...Tuesday is the start of mlm... feels worried cuz still got loads of things unsure... well i will give in my best shot:) i seriously hope all my bestest friends can score well and get their desired posting... jia you zhilun and andre! Booking in later... mum still possesses GREAT phobia against that changable lizard that was found in my camp... nevertheless i will convince her muahaha!Gotta mug abit... dun wanna get screwed by people... good luck to me:)
You're my everything =D
Saturday, August 01, 2009 12:01:00 AM
A good rojak of feelings...
Finally i am back to my course haha... after a 2wks MC... and i wasnt ooc-ed... so i really feel damn happy... not only happy, but more to appreciative... really thanks to those people who are willing to help me... especially staff terry haha... thanks alot to my friends too:)Well there are ups and downs when i am back of course... maybe i am being too sensitive, OR maybe some other people being too unsensitive... i still think that the latter one is more valid... was really pissed off on wednesday regarding some issues, despite the fact that we are having nights out... oh well i still think that i did the correct thing, but i hope those people who always dont spare a thought for other's feeling will do so in future, cuz it sucks... worst still, knowing the fact that u did this is wrong, and yet purposely ask for forgiven... well i will only give u 2 words - NO WAY.Dad called me yesterday and said that baby is not doing good... i was very worried definitely... i really feel very scare because i hope nothing will happen to her... she is my love one and i cant afford to lose her.. the worries simply made my eyes tear uncontrollably... thanks so much to andre, zhilun and guanhua, for being there to give me their warm consolation... Anyway the 1st thing i book out today was to rush back and see baby's condition.. not that good as compared to last week because her stomach is very bloated and her body is not that strong... nevertheless she is still hanging there and her affections touches me deeply... i really love you baby... Found 1 lizard in indoor range on monday... if i am not wrong its a changable lizard.. its rather cute i would say, but baby animals are all adorable haha... shall try to raise it, oops i think i indirectly made it as a pet haha... shall not give any names now until the condition is stabilised..Tml i am going out with zhilun and guanhua for some karaoke session.. but i am having a bad throat still haha... well i cant sing anyway, am i right zhilun?! so it doesnt make any difference i guess haha... but going out with them is fun haha.. just like the dim sum outing 2wks ago haha... Alrights shall continue nix time then... probably tml lol... gor gor loves you baby:)
You're my everything =D