Yesterday was my 23rd birthday. Did not have any spectacular celebration. Just a nice gathering with Eugene, Yanchang and Ah Chui. Thats the company which I wont even expect to meet up on my birthday, but they made time for me. Its really touching. I am really grateful for that. Thanks alot people!

On this day, I found out that my ex-great buddy deleted me on facebook. How nice of him man. Oh well I hope the whole clique will delete me as well soon haha. Make it once and for all. No reasons still. But I know the main thing is, I am fucked up.

I will treat this as a wake up call. I will move on from it. Its definitely disheartening, but guess I deserves it. The only sad thing is nobody actually put themselves into my shoe. All of them think that they deserves the best, but never spare a thought for me. Well I guess thats life. Individualism.

I will cut away my sarchasm. I will just do what I am suppose to do. But I seriously cannot guarantee for another blow up if fucked up things happen again, though I will try my best to control.

Feels like crying yesterday. I realised I seldom have a Happy Birthday. Its just sad things happening one after another. Maybe I really deserves such treatment. But I am really very sad. We shall see how many people will clap for me on the coming cohesion when I will get my birthday card, if there is any.

Today the dwalfies will be coming to celebrate with me. I am really thankful for that. I hope that will drown my sorrow. I really hope so.

Happy Birthday to Baby Lee. I love you and miss you so much. Happy Birthday to Handy. You are my only motivation at work. I love you all!

After a long CNY break, I am finally going back to work tomorrow. The usual excitement is still there because of Handy and the rest of the dogs haha. But I am still feeling very sian to see those people whom I dont like or rather people who dislike me.

I told myself I will change for the better after this CNY break, and I am so gonna do it. Temper is the first thing I must change. Cut that sarchasm as well. I will just engross in my work and thats it. As for the friend/s I have lost, I guess there is no point salvaging since I have tried. All my concentration will be on work and most importantly, my Handy.

I guess days without me is definitely happy for all the people. I understand my presence is not needed definitely. But somehow I know that didi needs me. She is the only purpose for me right now. Well if I can adopt her I will definitely do it, but financially I am not capable to. All I can do now is to give her the best treatment that she deserves. I love you Didi!

Jia you HanQun. Gotta be of my best performance. Please let me be busy! I hate to slack haha! Cya tmr DiDi!!!

Chinese New Year is coming, and as usual I am definitely looking forward towards it. However there are so many depressing stuffs happening to me, and that really makes me feel like blogging after a near 1.5yrs hiatus here.

I simply dont understand how a person can change overnight. From a buddy to a complete stranger. Ya overnight. I thought of like naming him here since nobody knows I am blogging, but I guess cyberworld still has its insecurity. We used to be close (ya sounds gay), and we always help one another out. I know he is a nice guy, so despite the fact that I faced different interests and hobbies, I still try to make do with it and accommodate him. Thats what a friend should do, I guess.

Well things didnt turn out this way. I just feel very puzzled how things can changed 180degree overnight. Did loads of self reflections, trying to figure out whats wrong with me. There must be some reasons that leads to this, but despite so many attempts in figuring out, I failed to find a reason. How strange could it be huh. Well he is not the only one that outcasted me, in fact the other 2 friends of his too. Nice.

I really feel depressed, disappointed and desperate for a reason, so I texted him today. Well he kept his silence still. Why? What wrong had I done to deserve this from you?! I did not do anything at all! Whats wrong with you?! Questions like these wonders in my head. I am really feeling so sad.

I know that I am definitely not well liked amongst peers. I self reflected and realised that there isnt any point for me to build up strong repaul by giving them welfare etc, because the good image built can collapse immediately when sarchasm sets in objectively. I am always the bad guy. But look, life is not always filled with saints. I want to be the good person giving welfare too, but look at whats the fuck up attitude and results people are giving or showing. Dont always expect candies from me if you guys cannot make it to simple expectations.

Just like today, there is this idiot who did a stupid thing. Teasing the dog after he is fed. When it comes to work, this guy will try his means to slack and daze, but when it comes to doing stupid stuffs, he is definitely capable. I yelled at him, because its a surged emotions. He is always doing retarded stuffs and I just try to close one eye, but not this time round though as he simply wont learn his lesson. I made him signed 3, hoping he will learn from it, but doubt so.

Can somebody tell me what to do? I really hope these people ord soon, because I cannot stand most of them. But coming june will be disastrous for me as the most hardworking people will ord, and left those one of a kind people. How are we going to manage? Sigh...

I am so sad at this very moment. Lost a friend for no apparent reason at all. Not well liked. Nobody understanding what I am facing. Poor work performance. How bad can it get still? Must I really isolate myself? I am feeling so down, but there isnt anybody to comfort me, neither for me to confide to. I only left with Handy and Bristol as my only motivation. But how long this can last when so many stupid things is piling up? I really feel like crying now, really. Call me weak, its fine, but I am a human trying so much to pull things together but failed so badly.

I guess I will be emo-ing alone in camp during my birthday as nobody will wish me for that. Its really disheartening. I will try to get over everything, but not for this period definitely. Can somebody be there for me to confide to and lend me a shoulder to lie on? I really really need one, seriously.